Hi, my name is Clairey and I’m addicted to nicotine. I am powerless over cigarettes and my life has become unmanageable. I have come to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity and I’ve been turning my will and my life over to this power….EVERY 5 MINUTES!! Good grief. Yup, all these 24 hours at a time later and multiple attempts to quit and stay quit off the smokes I’m back at Step 1, 2, & 3. Again.
I turn 40 this summer and my son is three years old. I don’t want him to remember me smoking and I want to be around to watch him grow up. Just to be clear, I’m doing this for myself but he is a huge motivator. I have tried literally everything but hypnosis to quit and you know what?? None of it worked. Sound Familiar? A drug is a drug is a drug is a drug. Guess what? NICOTINE IS A DRUG! It is a mood and mind alternating substance. Whether or not I always admit it or not, I smoke sometimes to not feel.
My disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful. A few months ago I decided to start eating clean, quit drinking all caffeine, joined a gym and now I’ve quit smoking. So guess what? 4 days off the smokes and I go buy Heath Klondike Bars, for the first time in forever. Even though I’ve felt better than I have in years by eating the way I have and lost weight and inches…I justified the purchase. “I deserve these”, “I’ve been so good”, “Ugh, everyone has some crutch for Pete’s sake, why can’t I?”, “At least I’m not going and buying whiskey and cocaine” “Yes, Klondike Bars it is!”
Ok, now do you see a pattern here or what? Tell me I’m not alone!! No need, I know I’m not alone. Fortunately for me I’m in recovery and I’m quite familiar with this sick thinking. Dang it! Do I have to do this crap for the rest of my life in every dang area of my life? Well, Clairey, let’s think about that sentence. Take it down a notch you drama queen you! You GET to CHOOSE to practice these principles ONE DAY AT A TIME.
OH! Ahhhh hah! By golly I forgot!
Just for today I choose not to pick up. I also am going to give myself a break. By a break, I mean I’m going to eat that last Klondike Bar! Hey, don’t even think about judging. I’m no saint. I am a recovering woman who is trudging along the road of happy destiny with progress not perfection.