No one really likes change. Whether it is a physical change within their life or an emotional change in their psyche, change can oftentimes be a frightening proposition. It requires you to give up something that is comfortable and familiar, even if it’s unhealthy for you, and requires you to put your faith in the unknown. Change asks you to move forward into something that may not be clear just yet and because of this we often times try to block change, or try to control how it comes about… [Read more…]
November 6th, 2007 I checked myself into the Pavillon. The next 6 weeks were an emotional roller coaster spent crying, arguing, laughing, bartering, being mad, being in moments of denial and regret, having moments of “Clairey-ty”, and learning about my disease and who I am without drugs in my system. [Read more…]
It’s fall here in Wyoming and between the snow capped mountains and the leaves on the ground there is not much green grass. [Read more…]
“What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.” BB pg 85
A daily reprieve, that is all any of us really have. We heard it in treatment and we hear it in meetings…one day at a time and just for today. [Read more…]
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” – Nelson Mandela
How many hours, days, weeks, months, even years, yes years have I squandered away carrying resentments? I am embarrassed to even guess. Often in my active addiction I would drink or use AT people. That wasn’t very effective. [Read more…]
A friend of mine shared a meme which read,
“Dear God, I want to take a minute not to ask for anything from you, but to simply say, Thank you for all I have.” [Read more…]
One of the greatest gifts I’ve received in recovery is my awareness. I sat down this morning to write and everything I thought of was grouchy and negative. [Read more…]
Feeling lots of feelings this month. Another friend of mine has passed away. We had been friends for twenty years. He was married to another friend of mine from my early years here in Jackson Hole and they have 2 beautiful young boys. I drove up to Montana to say goodbye. Lots of crying, singing, praying and talking to God on my drive. I was honored to bid him adieu by singing Amazing Grace at his service. I love singing that song even though I get terrible stage fright. Such powerful words especially for this addict/alcoholic. Grief is such a strange thing. We all seem to process it in such different ways. [Read more…]
Hello all! I was given this amazing opportunity to write to my fellow alumni and I thought I’d start off by telling you a bit about myself. I’m an addict/alcoholic and my problem is Clairey! Ouch the truth hurts sometimes. Fortunately today I have a solution for “that problem”. Actually I have a huge tool box full of solutions and as long as I stay humble, honest and willing, and remain teachable just for today I no longer have to live in the problem. What a blessing!
That blessing started for me in October of 2007 when I drove across country, high as a kite on cocaine and drinking whiskey, back to my home state of SC. I admitted to my parents at 32 years of age that I had a problem and I needed help. After some research and a few phone calls to friends and treatment centers I drove myself to Mill Springs, NC and checked myself into the Pavillon. That November 7th for the next 6 weeks and then 3 months of Pavillon IOPT changed my life forever. It set a strong and beautiful foundation for my new life.
Today, I’m back in Jackson Hole, Wyoming and almost 40 years old! Practicing the principles still…to the best of my ability. I chair meetings when I can, sponsor, and have a sponsor, work and live the 12 steps, pray, meditate, write a recovery based blog entitled, High on Hugs, when I’m inspired, and jump at every opportunity to be of service. My husband is in the program and we have a 3 year old son who’s grown up in the rooms. Our parenting style is based on the principles and traditions of 12 step groups. I owe my entire world today to my foundation at the Pavillon and my ongoing active participation in my recovery program. I am living beyond my wildest dreams and have long since surpassed “The Promises” that seemed completely unrealistic when I started this path.
Recovery is me today. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a productive member of society as well. At least in my own mind! Had it not be for me living this life in recovery one day at a time…I’d have no life much less be productive at dang near anything. Today my life is filled with grace, amazing moments of serenity, awareness, courage to face fear and find solutions. I am blessed. Life on life’s terms still happens. Bad things, sad things, and uncomfortable feelings are still a part of life but today I have a solution. Drinking or using is no longer my only option and I know without a shadow of a doubt that option won’t “fix” a thing. Life didn’t suddenly just get filled with rainbows and unicorns and chocolate sundaes with cherries on top when I got clean/sober. It didn’t just “Get better”. But you know what? I’ve gotten better and I continue to do so as long as I keep one foot in front of the other and do the next indicated right thing. Today I have a higher power and I ask that power to guide me. When I forget to do so, it doesn’t take near as long to realize, “whoop-see, you’re trying to drive the bus again Clairey!” and turn it over again. I am by no means perfect, I still have character defects and I am NOT afraid to use them. I also have a T-shirt that says that! I am one drink, one toke, one snort away from being right back to where I left off at, so today instead of ‘keep coming back”…I think I’ll just stay. I’ve witnessed and been a part of too many miracles to figure out which one it is they speak of when saying, “Don’t leave before the miracle happens”.
So with that and in a nut shell, I’m Clairey and I look forward to writing and connecting with you on this ever evolving journey we call recovery!
“Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends-this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives.”