One of the greatest gifts I’ve received in recovery is my awareness. I sat down this morning to write and everything I thought of was grouchy and negative.
I snapped at my husband on the phone and was annoyed at my three year old for wanting my attention. I even started a post on Facebook, Facecrack as I call it, to verbally throw up to 2,000 of my “closest friends”. HA! Fortunately I vetoed that idea. Can you say irritable and discontented?
So what did I do? I talked to a friend. She had just lost a friend to the river here on a family fishing trip. The man is still missing and they are searching for his body. His wife and his young children were on the trip to boot. My heart filled with sadness and heartache. I couldn’t nor would I wish to imagine that pain. She got me out of my head and back to the real world.
I needed that reality check. I got out of my own head and found my gratitude. I knew all morning I was tired. It has been raining for a month and the gray skies and cool Wyoming temps were starting to affect my mood. I put my son down for his nap and just woke from one myself. HALT! Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. For myself, HALTED. I’ve added emotional and dehydrated. I was aware I was in a funk. It took me an hour or so to find my willingness to get out of it though.
The good news is that today, sober, I have a choice. I did not lean towards picking up as a solution. I did however have a piece of chocolate! I checked in with myself. I had the awareness to see I was off. I was honest with myself that my behaviors were not ok. I was open to admit I needed to take some action and was willing to do so. H.O.W. does this recovery thing apply to your life in every scenario you ask? Honesty, Open-mindedness, and willingness!! My diseased mind is still up and running even sober. Sometimes I feel like screaming at it like an angry teenager would their parents, “YOU are NOT the boss of me!!” Thank goodness for my ginormous box of tools and the ability to choose to use them.
Mary Lynn says
Wonderful post Clairey. I’m reposting!
Clairey @ High on Hugs says
Thank you! Please do!