The grass is greener where you water it

It’s fall here in Wyoming and between the snow capped mountains and the leaves on the ground there is not much green grass.

That is the literal sense of my life right now. Metaphorically, my grass is completely splotchy! There’s big brown spots all over this dang lawn! The green spots are overgrown and need mowing. I need balance.

We talk about balance often in recovery it seems. That circle and triangle, the three legged stool, etc. Then you add in being a productive member of society, self care, and for me, being a wife and mom. Good grief. Oh and don’t forget fun! Well, I guess I could lump that into self care. I am horrible with time management. Horrible. My busy little brain makes lists upon lists, my lists have lists…truth be told. I am a procrastination fool, who is a perfectionist, with high anxiety and totally ADHD.

I’ve been slacking on meetings big time. I currently have no sponsees keeping me accountable either. Course if I made more meetings then I’d probably have more sponsees. I hurt my wrist so the gym has been off my list. I’ve doubled up my fun with as much fly fishing as one can possibly do before the snow flies. I’m working on my jewelry business, doing chores, helping our son, blah, blah. But I need structure. When ever a wrench is thrown in my life I get extremely off balance and it’s hard for me to get back on track. Today, I have high class problems. I know this may seem silly to some but when my life is out of balance and my recovery is off track, then so am I.

Tomorrow I make the noon meeting, period. I will raise my hand as I always do when the chairperson asks who is willing to sponsor. I will find my gratitude. I will put my recovery first or I will lose everything else. I will ask God to show me the way. I will water that darn lawn and it it will be a luxurious beautifully green lawn again. I must have balance! Until then, I have a few hours to kill and I need to fish. HAHAHAHAHA, but first some laundry and a chat with my sponsor.