Feeling lots of feelings this month. Another friend of mine has passed away. We had been friends for twenty years. He was married to another friend of mine from my early years here in Jackson Hole and they have 2 beautiful young boys. I drove up to Montana to say goodbye. Lots of crying, singing, praying and talking to God on my drive. I was honored to bid him adieu by singing Amazing Grace at his service. I love singing that song even though I get terrible stage fright. Such powerful words especially for this addict/alcoholic. Grief is such a strange thing. We all seem to process it in such different ways.
Being sober and essentially being on the outside looking in this past weekend was interesting to say the least. After the service everyone headed to a local bar. I had made it known that I was in recovery. I had already googled the AA meeting schedule, thank God, and had an hour to kill. Checking my motives, I decided I was ok to head to the bar briefly. Now I have been to bars a few times during my recovery and all was ok. Not this time though. I was emotional, hungry, and tired. I caught myself judging and diagnosing everyone as an alcoholic. Clearly I was not spiritually fit!! Fortunately I had my own vehicle to safely escape to a meeting.
“We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us.”
As I pulled into the meeting parking lot I noticed a van that was strangely familiar. I headed inside and followed the aroma of strong coffee. I was welcomed in and then it happened… A couple from Mississippi with amazing long term recovery greeted me with surprised faces and warm hugs. They’ve visited my home group for years! What a gift! Angels from God. Miracles, all of us. Right then I knew more than ever I had made the right choice. I had done what my predecessors had taught me. My Higher Power spoke and I listened. I took care of myself and guarded my precious recovery!! I love when the solution based pages of the Big Book come alive in my life…
“In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don’t struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.
What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.”
“It works-it really does.”