Carpe Diem

‘One day at a time’ this week has yet again been slapped in my face. Since I’ve been in recovery this motto has baffled me, frustrated me, given me peace, and taught me many lessons. I consider myself not to be one stuck in the past but not forgetting it nor shutting the door on it. I know where I came from and where I can quickly go again. I’ve taken much pride that I don’t dwell on the past. Future-tripping and worry is my issue. Or so I thought until a few nights ago. My husband informed me I’m always thinking about the past. WHAT?! He’s Crazy, I thought. Well he is correct in the sense that I think about memories. No regrets though! I am very aware I can’t change the past. Does that count? I have no idea!!

I recently discovered I was about to lose a lifelong friend within a matter of weeks. He was hunting buddies with my grandfather, an art teacher to my aunt and me, alumni of the Pavillon, a partner in recovery and a local celebrity of sorts. I got to spend each day before he passed reading how he touched literally hundreds of people’s lives. I got to live in the day and pray for just one more. I had the opportunity to actually say goodbye to my friend in a letter that was read to him. He has passed now and my heart is broken. It physically hurts. I could just go on and on how about how much this person is a part of who I am today, how  wonderfully quirky, gifted, full of love and life and what an absolute character he was. I could choose to be mad at God for taking him sooner than I (keyword I) feel he should have.   Instead I will leave you with this….

Seize the day! Today is all that we really have. I can fondly remember moments from my past but I must not dwell on them. I can worry until the cows come home, but that gets me nowhere. All I have right now is this moment, this beautiful glorious day that I woke up breathing and did not use. The present is the gift and I myself need to remember this. Life on life’s terms continues to happen with or without my permission. It is how I choose to react to it that is my challenge. Today I choose recovery. Today I choose to find gratitude and to trust in the powers that be. Today… is a gift.

LOVE & HUGS,
~Clairey Grubbs~