I’ve been battling a bit of depression lately. I get this way every fall and winter. I feel like I didn’t have enough time in the sun and fret the cold dreary days upon us. I’m often so tired I just want to pass out. Plus, I’m just kind of feeling defeated with every day stuff on top of that.
4,019 days in a row
This morning, 11 years ago I woke up on a beach in DelRay Beach, FL and quietly started my recovery clock over. The night before I had relapsed on my 90th day clean/sober on a couple of glasses of wine. I didn’t tell a soul and only 2 friends I had gone down to visit from rehab knew about it. I just kept on going as if I didn’t drink that wine. 9 months later I falsely claimed my Year chip in my 12th step group and a few weeks later moved back to Jackson, WY never uttering a word. [Continue reading]
Closure
I think to some degree all humans all seek closure. The 12 steps help me face my past, accept it, and move forward. Most of the time that works just as it’s supposed to. In this particular situation, I feel I need more. I think what I’m … [Continue reading]
Change my biggest fear
No one really likes change. Whether it is a physical change within their life or an emotional change in their psyche, change can oftentimes be a frightening proposition. It requires you to give up something that is comfortable and familiar, even if … [Continue reading]
Secrets…
November 6th, 2007 I checked myself into the Pavillon. The next 6 weeks were an emotional roller coaster spent crying, arguing, laughing, bartering, being mad, being in moments of denial and regret, having moments of "Clairey-ty", and learning about … [Continue reading]
Resolutions…
Everybody is posting New Year's resolutions via social media. Meanwhile, my 41 year old butt is over here thinking, "Hahahaha, clearly these folks aren't in a 12 step group or have learned from years of failed resolutions like myself!" … [Continue reading]
Whoopee Parties…
"So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties..." BB pg 101 As the holiday season is … [Continue reading]
The grass is greener where you water it
It's fall here in Wyoming and between the snow capped mountains and the leaves on the ground there is not much green grass. … [Continue reading]
Meeting makers make it…
"Meeting makers make it" they say. It's also been said that AA doesn't need me but I need AA. Boy did I get a slice of humble pie this week. … [Continue reading]
One day at a time
"What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition." BB pg 85 A daily reprieve, that is all any of us really have. We heard it in treatment and we hear it in meetings...one day at a time and just for … [Continue reading]