service Archives - High on Hugs

Hello all! I was given this amazing opportunity to write to my fellow alumni and I thought I’d start off by telling you a bit about myself. I’m an addict/alcoholic and my problem is Clairey! Ouch the truth hurts sometimes. Fortunately today I have a solution for “that problem”. Actually I have a huge tool box full of solutions and as long as I stay humble, honest and willing, and remain teachable just for today I no longer have to live in the problem. What a blessing!

That blessing started for me in October of 2007 when I drove across country, high as a kite on cocaine and drinking whiskey, back to my home state of SC. I admitted to my parents at 32 years of age that I had a problem and I needed help. After some research and a few phone calls to friends and treatment centers I drove myself to Mill Springs, NC and checked myself into the Pavillon. That November 7th for the next 6 weeks and then 3 months of Pavillon IOPT changed my life forever. It set a strong and beautiful foundation for my new life.

Today, I’m back in Jackson Hole, Wyoming and almost 40 years old! Practicing the principles still…to the best of my ability. I chair meetings when I can, sponsor, and have a sponsor, work and live the 12 steps, pray, meditate, write a recovery based blog entitled, High on Hugs, when I’m inspired, and jump at every opportunity to be of service. My husband is in the program and we have a 3 year old son who’s grown up in the rooms. Our parenting style is based on the principles and traditions of 12 step groups. I owe my entire world today to my foundation at the Pavillon and my ongoing active participation in my recovery program. I am living beyond my wildest dreams and have long since surpassed “The Promises” that seemed completely unrealistic when I started this path.

Recovery is me today. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a productive member of society as well. At least in my own mind! Had it not be for me living this life in recovery one day at a time…I’d have no life much less be productive at dang near anything. Today my life is filled with grace, amazing moments of serenity, awareness, courage to face fear and find solutions. I am blessed. Life on life’s terms still happens. Bad things, sad things, and uncomfortable feelings are still a part of life but today I have a solution. Drinking or using is no longer my only option and I know without a shadow of a doubt that option won’t “fix” a thing. Life didn’t suddenly just get filled with rainbows and unicorns and chocolate sundaes with cherries on top when I got clean/sober. It didn’t just “Get better”. But you know what? I’ve gotten better and I continue to do so as long as I keep one foot in front of the other and do the next indicated right thing. Today I have a higher power and I ask that power to guide me. When I forget to do so, it doesn’t take near as long to realize, “whoop-see, you’re trying to drive the bus again Clairey!” and turn it over again. I am by no means perfect, I still have character defects and I am NOT afraid to use them. I also have a T-shirt that says that! I am one drink, one toke, one snort away from being right back to where I left off at, so today instead of ‘keep coming back”…I think I’ll just stay. I’ve witnessed and been a part of too many miracles to figure out which one it is they speak of when saying, “Don’t leave before the miracle happens”.

So with that and in a nut shell, I’m Clairey and I look forward to writing and connecting with you on this ever evolving journey we call recovery!

“Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends-this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives.”

BB page 89

I’d like to share with you about my sponsor Tracy L.
Yup her, God, and AA helped lift me from the gates of hell.
I love her from the deepest place in all my heart
She’s been there for me mentally and spiritually from the very start
She leads by example & practices what she preaches
I’ve learned so much by applying what she teaches
She is honest, patient, loving and forgiving
And has showed me a whole lot about life and living
She is human just like me and is not afraid to say,
“I’m just as close to a drink as you are pal… from day to day”
She’s been my guide in nearly all I do
And without her (especially in the beginning) I’d have no clue
We don’t always agree, we don’t always see eye to eye
But she’ll lovingly tell me to have MY way, go ahead, give it a try
And when I come back all beaten, bruised, defeated and willing
She welcomes me back in arms that are ever so fulfilling
She doesn’t judge or criticize or rub things in my face
She lets me learn my own lessons which better helps me see God’s grace
Blessed with an abundance of experience, strength, hope and wise beyond her years
She’ll call me out on my stuff while never hesitating to help me face my fears
And when I call to rant, rave & fill her up with verbal pollution?
She lets me do so briefly, then cuts me off with an, “ok! What’s the SOLUTION!”
And if she has no experience or suggestions for the topic on hand
She’ll point me in the right direction of someone who can
Do NOT be confused…
I don’t put her on a pedestal, I know she’s no saint OR goddess of AA
For she’s been very clear she’s human, a partner in recovery, a guide to help me work steps & live for today
I have seen her struggle with life, sobriety, even personalities in the rooms
But time after time a principal has been revealed, no drink was taken and again she blooms!
My sponsor reminds me that I am not unique and I never have to “walk alone”
All I need to do is pray, be of service, and pick up the 1000 pound phone
She is quick to admit her faults and make amends when she is wrong
Constantly “trudging the road to happy destiny” all along.
My sponsor has said there are as many different higher powers as personalities in the program
She encourages me to constantly seek a Power greater than myself whom I understand
She is not afraid to stand up for who she is
And is very aware that what people think of her isn’t her biz
Without her knowing or even trying she has taught the meaning of gratitude, at least for me
I can still be grateful when sad or in pain and of course also while “happy, joyous and free”
I’m so lucky God put my sponsor in my in my life
I am learning to be a good woman, friend, mother, and wife
I too am a sponsor now and it’s awesome to see the program trickling down our sponsorship tree
Man was she right, when all else fails working with another alcoholic sets me free
For like the big book says I can not keep what I have unless I give it away
And being selfless and available for others ALWAYS brightens the greyest day
So if you don’t have a sponsor and have no idea how to pick one to work with you…
Find someone like I did, that has what you want, ask for help, you’re not the first to seek the clue!
Most of us walked through the doors of AA rooms, sick and tired of being sick and tired
For me I was willing, open minded and working on honesty instead of being a big fat liar
I didn’t expect much, I was hopeless, broken and The Promises made me laugh in disbelief
This lady shared that her dad had just died and she’s was at a meeting & NOT drinking for relief ?
She was sitting in that AA basement room with her eyes filled with tears.
Someone whispered over to me,”you know she has 20 some odd years?”
If she could go through that sober which was one of my greatest fears
Maybe I could try this one day at a time thing no liquor, wine, or beers
So you see all it took was being open to find hope in another’s story
And hope is what I got and that was soon followed by glory!
A few days later wanting her to be my sponsor feeling insecure, nervous and lame
I found the courage to ask and “Yes!” was the answer from that “Grand Old Dame”
Quite a few days have passed by since that day
Actually more than 5 years it’s been I’m happy to say
We’ve worked steps, read the Big Book and more
I’ve been happy, sad, and threw fits galore
I’m married to another recovering alcoholic and we have a son
And I know that sobriety is a journey and I’m never “done”
“I do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it”
Of course I still have plenty of defects that make me want to vomit
But today I am grateful for my life and I’ve been blessed with gift after gift after gift
And guess what? Yup, my sponsor was right the promises are for real and NOT a myth!
Yes some have come quickly but most have come really, really slow
But I’m ok with that today, you know?
So if you are new to the program or just coming back
I suggest you get a sponsor for working the steps and getting on track
Cause if you’re ready to surrender and you’re an alcoholic like me
A sponsor can help you discover the person you were meant to be
So don’t be afraid, have some faith, trust the process and give life a shot
Find yourself a sponsor I think you’ll find they help a lot!
So here’s to you my dear sponsor, friend and partner in recovery
Thanks for being you, for being my guide and for helping me get some “Clairey-T”!!