This morning, 11 years ago I woke up on a beach in DelRay Beach, FL and quietly started my recovery clock over. The night before I had relapsed on my 90th day clean/sober on a couple of glasses of wine. I didn’t tell a soul and only 2 friends I had gone down to visit from rehab knew about it. I just kept on going as if I didn’t drink that wine. 9 months later I falsely claimed my Year chip in my 12th step group and a few weeks later moved back to Jackson, WY never uttering a word. [Read more…]
Closure
2008 newly sober, one of my last times in SBS, CO, and at my old house.
Change my biggest fear
No one really likes change. Whether it is a physical change within their life or an emotional change in their psyche, change can oftentimes be a frightening proposition. It requires you to give up something that is comfortable and familiar, even if it’s unhealthy for you, and requires you to put your faith in the unknown. Change asks you to move forward into something that may not be clear just yet and because of this we often times try to block change, or try to control how it comes about… [Read more…]
Secrets…
November 6th, 2007 I checked myself into the Pavillon. The next 6 weeks were an emotional roller coaster spent crying, arguing, laughing, bartering, being mad, being in moments of denial and regret, having moments of “Clairey-ty”, and learning about my disease and who I am without drugs in my system. [Read more…]
The grass is greener where you water it
It’s fall here in Wyoming and between the snow capped mountains and the leaves on the ground there is not much green grass. [Read more…]
One day at a time
“What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.” BB pg 85
A daily reprieve, that is all any of us really have. We heard it in treatment and we hear it in meetings…one day at a time and just for today. [Read more…]
Resentment is the number one offender
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” – Nelson Mandela
How many hours, days, weeks, months, even years, yes years have I squandered away carrying resentments? I am embarrassed to even guess. Often in my active addiction I would drink or use AT people. That wasn’t very effective. [Read more…]
Thanks GOD!
A friend of mine shared a meme which read,
“Dear God, I want to take a minute not to ask for anything from you, but to simply say, Thank you for all I have.” [Read more…]
Are you aware?
One of the greatest gifts I’ve received in recovery is my awareness. I sat down this morning to write and everything I thought of was grouchy and negative. [Read more…]
We will intuitively know…
Feeling lots of feelings this month. Another friend of mine has passed away. We had been friends for twenty years. He was married to another friend of mine from my early years here in Jackson Hole and they have 2 beautiful young boys. I drove up to Montana to say goodbye. Lots of crying, singing, praying and talking to God on my drive. I was honored to bid him adieu by singing Amazing Grace at his service. I love singing that song even though I get terrible stage fright. Such powerful words especially for this addict/alcoholic. Grief is such a strange thing. We all seem to process it in such different ways. [Read more…]