High on Hugs

Living, Loving, & Laughing at Life in Recovery

2,193 days = 6 years (in a row)!!

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photo (7)Today like many days, I woke up. HAHAHA!

What is different about this day is I did so with no regrets, unlike my morning 6 years ago.

I had relapsed on my 90th day.  That night after a meeting I drank 1 & 1/2 glasses of wine.  I didn’t get drunk, but what I did do is something totally stupid.

You see when I checked myself into rehab 90 days prior as a cocaine addict and a self medicated manic-depressive (with more manic tendencies) and ADHD, I didn’t want to stop drinking and smoking pot.  I just wanted to not be a slave to cocaine anymore.

I didn’t have a drinking problem.

Hello, I wore a complete hole in my septum from snorting so much cocaine and then started cooking up crack cause my nose hurt too bad..

I’m a coke head not an ALCOHOLIC! Jeez people! [Read more…]

A War in our Hearts

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20140102-101426.jpgA few weeks ago I shared a video I had seen on my High on Hugs Facebook page.
It was an interview with Mathew Perry. In my opinion he did an excellent job of describing the disease of addiction/alcoholism.


He was in quite the heated debate with a fellow named Peter Hitchens.

I will not give you my personal opinion on the Hitchens fellow. My parents told me if I don’t have anything nice to say, I probably shouldn’t say ‘it’ at all! That being said, I’ll let you all form your own opinion of the douche bag. OOPS!
The video had me enraged to say the least. I feel any of you reading this who are or have been in active addiction would agree as well. Here is the link to the debate ► 11:31► 11:31 www.youtube.com/w… Dec 16, 2013

Shortly after sharing the video I received a letter from a friend and veteran who gave me permission to share it anonymously.

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Wyoming SOBER FUN

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Who say’s you can’t have fun without drugs and alcohol? Not my AA family in Wyoming!

Wishing you all 365 days in a row in 2014 high on hugs & happy, joyous & FREE!

Grateful I have the choice to live in the moment! Thank God! Especially cause it free’s me from having to make a resolution! (Cue evil giggle!)

Today…
I AM HAPPY TO BE ME!

CLAIREY

A GRATEFUL ADDICT!

What are you grateful for?????

Sticks and Stones…

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This one is ‘from the vault’

I wrote the following some time ago in response to a friend’s niece who had lost one of her classmates to suicide. It really got me thinking how fortunate and blessed with God’s Grace I really am. I say God’s grace because that is the only explanation for the fact that I am still here and writing this to you all.

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About me…

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAMy name is Clairey & I am an addict.
 
I’m writing this so you all know a little bit of my story and what it was like, what happened and what it’s like now. My clean date is February 4th, 2008. I was raised by an amazing mom and dad (who are not addicts, alcoholics, nothing but loving and slightly codependent) in Spartanburg, SC. I was born in July 1975 and from as early as I can remember I was different.
 
My first time drinking was my first drunk at age 15. I drank until I couldn’t remember & that’s a whole story in itself. From then on my life continue to progress from one personal struggle to the next.
I moved to Jackson Hole, Wyoming in my late teens and continued on the path of drinking and drugging and trying to ‘fit in’. I then moved to Key West, Florida briefly until the partying got bad and figured i better go back to JH where the mountains called my name. 4 years after returning I realized I had a problem around the age of 27 and decided to move to Steamboat Springs. Are you seeing a pattern here? Dang it, wherever I went, there I was!

[Read more…]

My out-laws

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imageSo I just got off the phone with my mother in law.

I know it’s not typically the norm but I actually like my in-laws, truthfully I love them! Lord knows I’m far from the norm and I lovingly call them my out laws cause they are kinda crazy.

It’s Mama G’s birthday today so of course I sang to her. I asked if she had seen my blog yet. She said yes but I’m not sure if I can read it as it’s so raw! I giggled and asked why? She then proceeded to tell me that our relationship was so light-hearted and as not being in recovery some things would make her worry!

Mind you her son and my husband is in recovery too so this is nothing new to her. Now that I’m a mom though I get it. It’s nice to be loved and worried about in a good way. It’s nice to communicate openly with the ones we love and understand that they don’t understand.

I reassured her that my lingo was typical recovery stuff and not to worry. But… She’s a mom and she will anyway! Based on her experience she has plenty of reason too as well ;0)

The gift for me today is I have nothing to hide. I figure if you knew me then when I was out running and gunning it was no big secret I had a problem so clearly something is different and why not share my solution?!

I’m not ashamed of my past today. I’ve made amends for my wrongs and continue to clear away the wreckage of my past. My past IS my greatest asset! I can’t keep what I have unless I give it away. So here I am stripped of any secrets and sharing with you who I am today because of who I was yesterday. I am grateful. I’m grateful that even my in-laws love me and yes I them. I’m grateful my own family loves me! I’m grateful that not only do they all love me but that I have a new adoptive and (quite dysfunctional family I might add) in the program who loves me and has my back as I have theirs.

They might not all like me but I know without a shadow of a doubt that if my recovery was in danger they too would be there for me. What a gift the life I have today. Excited to go on a road trip to see all my out-laws for Thanksgiving. Hoping Mama G made my son something awesome to wear. She makes super cute kids clothes and I feel blessed yet again that I have such a neat family.

Check her unique handcrafted kids clothes out at http://www.smallfriesdesigns.com

Headed into the deep woods in Northern Idaho for my husband’s birthday Thanksgiving & to celebrate his 7th anniversary in recovery! So until we return to cell, internet and any other technology have a great holiday!

And if you’re not in the USA, like myself I don’t need a designated day to be Thankful even in the toughest of moments I can find some gratitude! Gobble, Gobble!

Sh** or get off the pot

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_MG_4011HOWDY world!

So here it is a little after 3 months after my dear friend Christie and my father encouraged me to start a blog. I didn’t even really know what a blog was! But as the title to this post says…I figured I better ‘let go’ of my perfectionism which leads to procrastination and get this sucker up! Sooooo,

WELCOME to High on Hugs! My name is Clairey and I am an addict in recovery. I got my foundation in one 12 step fellowship and attend another now that I’m back in Wyoming. You’ll hear me call myself an addict and an alcoholic. It doesn’t really matter to me as I know my problem is me and the drugs, alcohol, whatever were but a symptom.

Most importantly I am Clairey, a wife, mom, friend, daughter, sister etc. Making people laugh has always been something that fuels me, so hopefully as I deal with life on life’s terms on a day to day basis you all can get a good giggle as well and maybe just maybe realize YOU are not alone in this journey called life and like me start to laugh at yourselves as well.

I’ll try to carry a positive message as often as I can but I’m human so sometimes I’ll be carrying a mess! My gift today is I have a solution as long as I’m willing, open, and honest! I look forward to getting some feedback and getting to know all you folks out there! ((((HUGS)))))

Faith without works is dead!

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_MG_4884Faith without works is dead! I can pray until I’m blue in the face but unless I take action and surrender my will, I’m just uttering a bunch of words.

I must cooperate with my Higher Power and focus on NOT doing the next wrong thing as I’m not always certain what the next right thing is.

Today my focus is going to be just that.

Ok boss, let’s do this ;0)

Trust Yourself

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_MG_4850So last night after some personal struggles going on in between my ears I decided to just sit & listen to our bonfire and close friends and look up at the amazing sky.

As most of you know me, Clairey, being quiet, especially in a group…is a feat in itself. As I stare at the Milky Way and look at my fave Orion an amazing shooting star complete with great tail, shot directly out of Orion’s bow & arrow!

I shrieked with joy while squealing,”oh thanks God, that was AWESOME!”

After the gang left I took a hot bath and did some serious meditating and then prayed before going to sleep. I slept more soundly than i have in a long time and woke remembering only part of my dream.

A sweet angelic voice told me, “find your inner peace, as that is where you will discover the answers to your questions, “who is Clairey?” (not just a daughter, friend, wife, and mother) and “what does true happiness mean?” You and you only have the answers, just look deep within.

Trust & have faith in yourself as much as you do with your spiritual beliefs and the truth will be revealed.” I’ve been awake for 2 hours now and can still hear that voice from my dream as clear as a bell. I don’t ever remember being so deeply effected by a dream.

What an amazing gift.