Living, Loving, & Laughing at Life in Recovery
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” – Nelson Mandela
How many hours, days, weeks, months, even years, yes years have I squandered away carrying resentments? I am embarrassed to even guess. Often in my active addiction I would drink or use AT people. That wasn’t very effective. [Read more…]
Hi, my name is Clairey and I’m addicted to nicotine. I am powerless over cigarettes and my life has become unmanageable. I have come to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity and I’ve been turning my will and my life over to this power….EVERY 5 MINUTES!! Good grief. Yup, all these 24 hours at a time later and multiple attempts to quit and stay quit off the smokes I’m back at Step 1, 2, & 3. Again. [Read more…]
Yesterday was my first day pain-free and I felt like a human. Spiritually, mentally, physically, and even visually. This whole process of having a miscarriage has been tough in all aspects. I realize this isn’t a subject most speak of. I also am grateful that I am who I am because I’ve apparently helped a few by sharing my story. Yesterday I was just so happy to feel like me again.
Then it dawned on me. Yesterday, April 7th was my due date for our son Tanner. My happy, healthy, love of my life, almost 3-year-old boy!
Waiting for our miracle
You see for me, one of the greatest gifts is awareness. I would miss so much, so many daily miracles, blessings, and moments of gratitude if I don’t just get out of my own way, stop, and pay attention. It is really easy for me to feel sorry for myself and focus on the negative. I am notoriously a classic victim in my own mind. But!… If I slow this overactive brain of mine down, take a few deep breaths, and listen, watch, feel, be open, be willing, and admit there is something so much bigger than me out there…I just get smacked in the face with all the good shit in life. You know, the really really good shit that just makes you smile, your heart skip a beat, that feeling of overwhelming peace and serenity that engulf your being. That is when I find my happy place. That place where I am content in the moment. No sweating the past, no regrets. No anxious moments of the what ifs, future tripping, and filing myself with worry. That is when I am what the Great Spirit, God, The Universe, Mother Mature and the rest of the gang intended me to be. That Clairey is what I’ve spent days, months, years searching for. The happy, content, authentic Clairey.
Just living in love
So today, if you are anything like me and so busy, so wrapped up in a the day has ahead, all the insignificant bullshit really….STOP! Stop and take a deep breath! Stop and just be! Stop and pay attention, there is always gratitude to be found. ALWAYS! We just have to have the willingness to be aware! You will see it, you will find it…I promise. And when you do, all will be right. If only for a brief moment. But without those moments, I would not survive. Quite frankly, without those moments I don’t think any of us would.
So in the words of my sponsor, my friend, and a truly wise woman who I love with all my being, “pay the fuck attention people!”
You might just need that moment to make “it” all better.
Live-Love-Laugh-And HUG a lot. Life will take on new meaning.
The present is the gift
It has been sometime since I’ve sat down and written. It is a great tool for me to process things and hopefully help someone along the way. Since I wrote last I’ve celebrated 7 years of recovery. I started making my handmade jewelry again and started a shop, check it out! Jewelry By Sassy! My relationship with my husband has grown and I love him more than ever. My son is almost 3 years old and I love everything about being his mom. We’ve had grand adventures as a family and shared lots of love and laughter. I was pondering the other day over all I’ve gone through in the past 7 years in recovery. The most memorable years I’ve had!! (Laughing out loud on that statement.) I’ve also had some of the toughest situations and struggles I would have just preferred not to. Those times where using briefly popped in my head as a solution. The feelings I was having at the time I certainly did not want to feel. And all those times I found the willingness to not pick up! To pick up a phone instead, to play the tape all the way through, to go to a meeting, to pray, meditate, call my sponsor, read some recovery literature, ask for help, and so on.
“To thine own self be true”
I am SOFA KING! I am SOFA KING! I am so-fa-king HIGH ON HUGS!
I am not high on drugs. I have not relapsed!
I have however been on hiatus for a while now from the blogosphere. It has been quite some time since I have hopped on here to write or to read any of the blogs I follow. Actually the last blog I wrote was for my acceptance of The Sunshine Award. Again big thanks to my sweet friend Maggie for the nomination. I have numerous excuses for why I have not written. But as we all know excuses are like assholes…
Today like many days, I woke up. HAHAHA!
What is different about this day is I did so with no regrets, unlike my morning 6 years ago.
I had relapsed on my 90th day. That night after a meeting I drank 1 & 1/2 glasses of wine. I didn’t get drunk, but what I did do is something totally stupid.
You see when I checked myself into rehab 90 days prior as a cocaine addict and a self medicated manic-depressive (with more manic tendencies) and ADHD, I didn’t want to stop drinking and smoking pot. I just wanted to not be a slave to cocaine anymore.
I didn’t have a drinking problem.
Hello, I wore a complete hole in my septum from snorting so much cocaine and then started cooking up crack cause my nose hurt too bad..
I’m a coke head not an ALCOHOLIC! Jeez people! [Read more…]
A few weeks ago I shared a video I had seen on my High on Hugs Facebook page.
It was an interview with Mathew Perry. In my opinion he did an excellent job of describing the disease of addiction/alcoholism.
He was in quite the heated debate with a fellow named Peter Hitchens.
I will not give you my personal opinion on the Hitchens fellow. My parents told me if I don’t have anything nice to say, I probably shouldn’t say ‘it’ at all! That being said, I’ll let you all form your own opinion of the douche bag. OOPS!
The video had me enraged to say the least. I feel any of you reading this who are or have been in active addiction would agree as well. Here is the link to the debate ► 11:31► 11:31 www.youtube.com/w… Dec 16, 2013
Shortly after sharing the video I received a letter from a friend and veteran who gave me permission to share it anonymously.
This one is ‘from the vault’
I wrote the following some time ago in response to a friend’s niece who had lost one of her classmates to suicide. It really got me thinking how fortunate and blessed with God’s Grace I really am. I say God’s grace because that is the only explanation for the fact that I am still here and writing this to you all.
Howdy folks,
Last night while reading my new favorite blogger’s, Maggie Shores, most recent post I was completely inspired. I started to comment on it and could not stop typing! So with her permission I’d like to share with y’all her post and my answer to her question. Maggie and I have a lot in common and of course share a passion for recovery and giving away what has so freely been given to us. I hope you find her share as enlightening as I. I bet you will ;0)
You can follow Maggie at http://sobercourage.com/
Here is her post…
Words from an angel of hope, a dreamer, a leader, and an someone who never gave up…
“Difficulties break some men but make others.”
– Nelson Mandela
